Homeschool, self pep talk

Well folks lately I have come under some major attack in my homeschooling my children, and no it is not from an outside source, it is from me.

How is it that I can allow myself to feel guilty for trying to do what I think is best for my kids? Sure there are people out there who will have their opinion and disagree with me, but in the end it is my choice to allow that to affect me.

Ways I feel guilty... For instance watching Abby in Daisy scouts tonight and all the happy bouncy kindergartner girls, which by the way she thinks are silly. She fits in though, because she can fit in anywhere. She was giggling and having fun and for a moment as I watched her I thought, is she missing out on something? I sat and tried to remember being a five year old girl. MMMMM>>>> lets see, I hated kindergarten, I was devastated that my mom dropped me off each day and left me there with people I didn't really feel close to. Once there was a big dog outside the door and I couldn't make my way past, I didn't know what to do so I stood near the door and cried. When I finally got in the classroom I had to lie to my friends and tell them my blotchy red face was because I had a sunburn. I had friends and I am sure I had fun I just can't remember that part. I remember being in a row and not having a voice, being told what to do and how to do it. I remember being forced to nap. I remember telling the teacher I was sick and she told me to rest in the next room. They sent me home at normal time and I ended spending the next three days in a hospital. I was blue with pneumonia, and my mom immediately saw that when I arrived after a full day of school on the bus. I remember being in first grade, being board, quiet and tired. I was doing time. I remember being yanked by my long pony tail by a girl named Bobbie, she would drag me around the play ground for fun I suppose. I remember making strategies to out trick her and out run her. Ya didn't love school.

It is the little things that cause the hail storm of doubt, like a friend who said Abby should be doing more crafts. I started thinking about that and I wandered if I was doing enough crafts. Or the mom tonight that said her daughter learned to read in the first three weeks of school. Was I doing something wrong that I am letting Abby learn at her own pace? I hate forcing reading. I admit in the past I have been bad about repetition, I have learned I really don't like any kind of repetition. But I am better now as I am in my third year of homeschooling. And by the way Abby is reading just fine, better on days when she feels like it.

I feel guilty when I see Mason loosing "it" and his voice becomes like a knife and I wander, have I done this to him? It doesn't help when I can feel other judgments on this matter. Not to mention, Mason has always been highly emotional and explosive. I am sure on my feeling good days that if he were in school he would save up all that energy for me when he got home anyways. I tell myself it is better for him to learn at home to control his emotions than find unhealthy coping strategies that don't go anywhere. See all that fire is still fire and it translates to passion and I don't want to loose that and for it to be misdirected into meaningless worldly things like .... the latest and greatest fad.

The time has got to come when I stop the self loathing and doubting. The time has come where I set myself free from others opinions, even those who are closest to me. I know there is room for improvement there always is. While insecurities loom over my head like thick fog, I think I am going to fight, with myself, to stick with it. It is time to evaluate and reevaluate and make learning at home just that, learning at home, not school at home.

My friend gave me a nice little fact today, kids in school get about 8 minutes of undivided attention. At home my kids get all of me. I found Mason going ahead in his math alone, taking his test, reading them and figuring the test out even before I could teach the strategy. I sucked up his radiant face, both of us were pretty proud and we shared that moment. It wasn't lost. I had a big plan for him to do some LA worksheets, instead he sat on the couch and read for over a solid hour. Then banged on his drum for 30 minutes, working out some fresh beats. This wasn't all we did, he wrote a paragraph, a creative writing program and then read some more. He did over an hour of phonemes, listening and writing them out. He worked on 10 spelling words, and did worksheets. We learned about Egypt and the first kings of Israel. He played for hours with his sister, helped me clean up and played outside with some friends. I answered all his questions and he was allowed to have a lot of questions, because we are home and I am his teacher and learning doesn't stop ever when you take on the mentality of learning at home. Home is the school, the world is our play ground, every opportunity, even the most mundane is a chance to discover. Homeschool is not what you do, it is an attitude of discovery. Iit is about creating the environment for independent, strong minded kids who can "socialize" with just about anyone because there is not the boundaries of school. We are not bound to time, or to structure or to a building. The world is my playground.

Hey look at that I just talked myself into homeschooling another year. :)

So now it is 9:00, my kids want to play a "game" of cards, math they just don't know it. Why not we don't have to get up early. yawn.

Bed Time Broadway

I spent some quiet time with Nettie last night, just hanging out with her at bedtime. Mason and Abby played cards with Dad which was really a late night math lesson, shhhhhh don't tell they didn't suspect a thing! Anyway, I told her that she might go to kindergarten next year to help her read and write in English. As I lay down I closed my eyes on her pillow and she started to play with my hair, she then did an improv song telling me how she felt about that, it went a little something like this.

"I don't want to go to school, I might loose you, I be sad all day if I loose you I cry"
I then returned the song with
"I won't lose you ever, I went all the way to Africa to find you, I prayed for you and God knew you needed a mommy so I showed me where you were and I won't loose you I promise"
Then she sang
"A bad guy might try to loose me, if he does I will slap him in the face mom I go to school I need a phone to take with me!"

This went back and forth, but I laughed later, leave it to Nettie to feel that in kindergarten she will need a cell phone. How American has she become? It is still sad that she feels if she goes to school I won't come back for her. The lyrics went on and on and I can't remember them all. But she did say that being away from me all day would make her cry and I wouldn't be home when she got home, and that a daddy would drive her far away to another mommy. It is so sad. I thought she would be elated to get away from me and go to school! go figure. It is a tough choice but I don't feel confident to teach her to read, and perhaps I don't feel enough energy to do that either. I just don't know.

Hope!!!

Just in case you keep up with the work that God has us doing in Ethiopia, here is a snippet of the latest, go to my adoption ministry blog and read what is happening, we are so excited we just cannot hide it!

Livingloveoutloud

Just eat your breakfast!!

For goodness sakes Nettie just eat your stinking breakfast. Why or why do you linger, singing, wiggling, laying down in your chair, requesting blankets and vitamins. Just eat your breakfast! You don't like Oatmeal, eggs, cold cereal, you would be happy to eat bread and sugar but alas I still am trying, despite how I feel to be a good mom so would you please make mommy happy and validate my loving concern for you and just eat your breakfast!

7:45 laundry somewhat done, dishes done, counters clean, floors hideous, 1 kid off to preschool, 1 kid up not eating her breakfast, and two sleeping. Mounting feelings of insecurity and boredom creeping up, must fight. 7:54 new herbal diet pills making me feel high, still in PJ's. 7:55 thinking of getting dressed, decide that wearing sports shorts to bed is like being dressed so I actually saved myself some time, just change PJ top no one one will know. 7:56 stinking dogs barking, probably should exercise, feeling extra fat today, but with this high feeling I would hate to be found draped, dead across my elliptical, maybe wait until Gary is home before I take such a risky venture. 7:58 Honey Nut Cherrios only mildly calling my name, appetite supressant is doing it's job. ( I promise I will stop at 8:00). Nettie is almost done with breakfast, her hair is froed out, thinking how fun this battle is going to be, braids don't work I think pony tails today. 7:59 How in the world am I going to homeschool these kids? Nettie and Judah are so complicated in how and what they need to learn. 8:00 done.

Nettie is so sweet as she is not eating her breakfast she has just requested to go to church, because she wants to "cafache" someone some food. She uses this word instead of "give" I think she wants to cafache some poor people her breakfast, she is very generous.

Abby's unlikely hero

Nakoto Nogimo

Nija warrior

Abby wrote him letter last night asking him to be her friend. She also wanted to mail him a nickle. Mason told her that he wouldn't be able to read her letter becase he only speaks Japanese.

Nettie is currently writing Obama because she says he loves her and he is coming to our house, Judah is arguing that he is not coming to our house. Most of you know how I feel about the new president, but I must bite my tongue. So my kids choose who they want to be their heros and I will let them dream. I may even send the letter to Nogimo if I could find his address.

New Abby

Last night Abby told me that she wanted to be a new Abby and she was tired of being the old Abby, she said that it would be nice if she could loose a tooth or something or get some braces or break an arm. She is five.

I have four kiddos and not one of them has yet to loose a tooth. Mason didn't get teeth until he was 15 months old. Abby was a bit sooner at 9 months, Nettie and Judah came with teeth, although Judah's really started coming in when he got proper nutrition. Mason is now 7 and it is not even close. I guess it's good because that means he can will have better adult teeth with less cavity exposure. My guess is like with riding the bikes, Mason and Abby will loose teeth at the same time, possibly on the same day. As for Nettie and Judah I have no idea.

We will not do the tooth fairy, I do know that, we will make it special but something unique to our family some kind of tradition that means something to us, something original. Any ideas?

101 names for private parts

Mason who is now seven has the need to call his private parts by a new name every time the topic comes up, which is at least once a day in his little boy life.

Today's names were

cucumbers
sea cucumbers
nuggets
the boys


Yes we are proud.